"Now I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away. Also there was no more sea. Then I, John, saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying.There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.” Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And He said to me, “Write, for these words are true and faithful.” And He said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. I will give of the fountain of the water of life freely to him who thirsts. He who overcomes shall inherit all things, and I will be his God and he shall be My son. But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.” -Revelations 21:1-5 Once we arrived at the hospital I was certain I was going to die there. Or at least a part of me was going to die there. I remember getting there in tears, shock and terror. I was going to deliver my dead baby. This was not right. No parent should be doing this. No parent. This isn't right. I vaguely remember being strolled into the delivery room. I just remember the ache. The pain that accompanied my shock. I remember my husband staring into my eyes telling me. "Lisa, We are going to do this Together." Then sometime after that I was in my hospital gown. Sometime once my IV was put in, this overwhelming peace came upon me. I swore I was on a high dosage of Xanax. But no, turned out to be this overwhelming peace. The Holy Spirit had descended on me and I was a total peace. I was so loopy, laughing, telling jokes, playing pranks on the nurses. The nurses prepped me for induction. They put a monitor on me and I was already having contractions. I didn't feel them. During this time no tears came. I was at peace. But I do I remember I was getting cold and colder.... Monday I don't remember much about the days. I must have been given some kind of medication because I was knocked out for about 8+ hours. I remember every time I opened my eyes my husband was there. He never left my side but once or twice. I also remember being so cold. I was having a fever that just kept on rising. Some time during the day my doctor decided to take me off of everything and we would start Tuesday morning. I was upset and wondering why this baby wasn't coming. A doctor came in to give me a brief idea of what an epidural would be like. This just scared me and I didn't want it at all. We were so early in our pregnancy that we hadn't really discussed how we we're going to deliver our baby. But I knew I wanted a doula to help me out. At another point my mother asked me if I was ready for her to come. I didn't realize but I hadn't had that conversation with God. My husband took me to the shower and I finally told him I was ready. Soon after I started having really bad cramps. I would get up a couple of times to go to the bathroom and just being in pain. Ten something came around and I got up one last time to use the restroom. I remember being aggravated and every time my husband would ask me..."Lisa are you ok? You keep falling asleep on the toilet." "LEAVE ME ALONE!!!! I'M FINE!!!" But this last time we saw blood and my husband pulled the emergency cord and the nurses came. We walked back to the bed and all of a sudden I feel this terrible urge to...well... this is TMI, but oh well. :) I feel like I need to have a bowl movement. The nurse came back into the room and told me I couldn't get back up. I was so scared and embarrassed and thought I'd make a mess. I told my husband to get a bed pan and as he handed it to me, my water broke. That was about 10:15. During this time before my water broke I was in terrible pain. But in retrospect I realize I was in Labor. I've had endometriosis pain for such a long time that the pain I felt was the same as my cramps. Right after my water broke my pain was gone. Then peace fell upon me. No tears. Just that Julianna Grace was already in Heaven. This was just her physical parts. She was in Heaven and God would make her new again. She was happy and waiting for us to be with her one day. It was finished and Jesus had and has paid the price for her soul. No fighting over her. Satan had no control. I could almost see it in the Spiritual realm. The angels fighting and protecting me from his lies and trickery. But no, again Jesus showed up and the Holy Spirit filled the room. NO pain, No crying, total and utter peace within me. Jesus kept his PROMISE and He will do this again. As my water broke I felt a sudden urge to push. Because she was so small I didn't push much. She came out so quiet and asleep. She already had risen in the arms of Christ over a week before. So now she was just asleep. The nurse slowly caught her as she came out and she asked me if I wanted to see her. I told her no to clean her up first. I grabbed my husbands hand. He said I smiled at him. I could see his love, his heart torn and shattered, but we still have each other. Once I was cleaned up they handed her to me. She was so tiny, fragile and her tiny little frail body was already deteriorating. The words couldn't and didn't come out of my mouth. But they came out of my husbands. "She's beautiful!" My heart fell. 11 1/2 inches long and 1lb and 5oz. Her looks confirmed what the sonogram looked like. She was going to look like her daddy. Her tiny eyebrows protruded. :) She had dark brown tiny hair like me. She had ten fingers and ten toesies. She had beautiful skin like her mama. She was BEAUTIFUL! Created out of Love and went straight into the arms of God. What a life. This kept on ringing in my mind.....She's already in Jesus arms. They took her out of the room. I looked at my husband and I didn't realize how much I loved him until I saw his heart break over and over again. He loved and still loves his little baby girl. We just held each other. But no tears came out of me. Jesus had His arms wrapped around my heart. I was still at peace. He has paid the price I couldn't pay and my baby girl couldn't pay. He would make her new. He will make me new. He has prepared a place for Julianna Grace. He will also prepare a place for me. For my husband and for those who believe in Him. He wiped my tears and took my pain that night. I don't know how and I don't know why. But I believe He will do that again for me. God loves me sooooo much that He sent His precious Son to die so I could Live. So you could live. So my baby could live. I BELIEVE THAT I WILL SEE HER and most importantly I WILL SEE JESUS!!!
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Lisa RowellJulianna Grace Ministry was founded by Lisa, who lost her first born, Julianna Grace, a precious little girl that was born still. Join our Julianna Grace Ministry's Facebook group page -
CLICK HERE! Archives
October 2021
Categories |